How to catch an elephant

It's the Silence that keeps me away

Wednesday 6/12/13 - Ellie Von Bun

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This is what's happening with my blog. When I look at it, I realize I should blog. After I look away, it's gone.

Oh well, let's make a little post what is up with me. I like me. I like to talk about me.

This post shall be dedicated to my friend who keeps on checking my blog daily and support me at my trifle.

Let's start with the first thing that actually is related to the starting of this blog.

I went to a doctor a week ago because I decided after a year to stop my medication. Why?

Well for the past months I've felt just brilliant. Absolutely content and satisfied with my life and not even unemployment and apartmentless haven't brought me down. Just regular stress, no biggies.

And I don't know why. Something happened with me after my illness. Maybe it was about how my body was emptied of everything and started again from a start. It could be it. Or maybe I realized that life is awesome and things could be worse.

As I couldn't even eat the medicine being sick, my brain went all "what's up with that, how I'm supposed to know how to work" and then started again from a start and went "oh, so THIS is serotonin, let's work this shit up then!".

So kids, when you suffer from depression, apparently the thing to do is to destroy your liver or something and give your body a phoenix-like rebirth. It works. Don't try it at home though.

So in a week or two, I'm dropping them off. But I have to give credit for the greatest doctor ever. As I am "young and beautiful" I should "go outside" because the weather is good and my personal favorite, "enjoy life."

I tried to explain my liver situation, but she decided by looking at my unyellow eyes that I'm healthy now and I should "forget about it, let it go. It's in the past.". So. Let's do just that then. I was sick. I am not anymore.

Let's hope for the best and see if I feel as brilliant or even more brilliant later!

Funny thing, I started yet again a project that I can later on leave unfinished.

I told my friend how I finally read Fifty Shades of Grey, which by the way, is extremely horrifying book and I don't recommend it to anyone. It's a slightly longer harlequin with exact same plot as all of them that is written by a woman who most likely is not happy with her relationships and wishes still for her prince charming to come and save her. And for some reason, she wrote her childish dreams badly on the paper and got rich.

It's a bad book. Twilight is classic literature in comparison. Don't read it.

Anyway, my friend mentioned that even us could write a better book than that piece of unrealistic crap. So that's what we're going to do. Write an extremely awesome, badly written piece of epicness and get filthy rich doing so.

I'm not giving all the things about it away. We are creating it via Google Drive (which is awesome) and it has sci-fi, romance, fantasy, history and all kinds of randomness in it. So it will be brilliant. Of course!

I'm excited about this. It's a stupid idea enough, but a fun project!

In other notes, still no job. It's frustrating and I hate being rejected all the time. Still, I'm hoping for the best and I can still pay my rent so I'll survive.

And to my absolute thrill, I got an awesome apartment. It's a student place, big one with a cheap rent on a very nice spot. I couldn't be happier. Something good sometimes really brings spirits up, eh?

I have no idea how to end this post so let's just go with something totally unrelated but proved to be a good way for ending random preaches.

Kids, don't do drugs.

Edit: While moving all the posts to new site I added the pic again. It wasn't a pic. It was a gif. And now I'm scared.

Leave a comment. Keywords: books, stress, depression

You wouldn't hate a puppy, would you?

Friday 5/10/13 - Ellie Von Bun

For those who have slumbered here, I am sorry for my quietness. If there was anything I could say to explain for my behavior I'd explain the hell out of me, but unfortunately I don't think I can.

Let's try to do this with pictures then!

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So, I apparently live in some sort of a cave.

First I had my finals, which I failed in the end (except for one I think). I focused on them stressing the hell out of me. For nothing.

I also spent some time with quality company, a nice young lad kept me out of trouble and made me feel a bit sorry for leaving. Also, the spring just started so it was really a shame to leave just then.

When I returned to home, I blamed jet lag, which really is not a good reason for not to blog.

I'm hunting for a job and an apartment which is so stressing that I shut myself in the world of games, The Sims 3 and Civilization 5 mostly, and ignore the mess and the horrible thought of not having a penny and nothing to do. Except for cleaning and unpacking. Which I don't want to do.

Please forgive this face. This is my "I'm sorry I'm just a puppy" -look.

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Come on, I'm not even showering, why would I blog?

Hey, I've been checking couple apartments already and guess what?

People are crazy and homeless.

Let's say we go to see a wildly expensive place with cracking walls and moldy floors. People come in and the first thing they do is throw the nice lady who is showing the place with applications.

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And whatever the nice lady says makes the people to calm themselves.

"There's really no room for an actual stove, but we have this handy separate stove you can hide in the cabin!"

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"Yeah well, there's really no room for bathroom either, so we have toilet in the kitchen so you can cook while you poop!"

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Well, I've decided to leave this student apartment and find a place I can stay after graduation so I'm one of those lovely people. Oh my.

I still have interviews to go to and shits to do so let's keep our pants on and be patient. I'm also meeting ALL of my friends like there's no tomorrow so I'm too happy to blog and whine. Oh, wait..

Now I wish I had finished all the raw texts I've made, but no. Not good enough.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and made food out of nothing.

Please excuse me of my horrible English, which according to one of my professors is hard to understand, but I'm still horribly tired and can hardly focus.

Leave a comment. Keywords: canada, stress

Million ways not to ask someone out

Wednesday 2/13/13 - Ellie Von Bun

Prologue

I solemny swear I've been good and busy (ha!) this time I've been away with no words. I have slowly pushed my way out of "No."s and starting to feel alive again. Unfortunately, I'm in the middle of midterms so I'm stressed out and really need to do studying.

Not to worry, I decided to reward all of you with this piece I wrote ages ago, only with no pictures. I may later if I have time and energy fix this with nicely photoshopped monsters.

But not today, I have to run to read some history instead of making it myself! Sigh.

 

The Story

I've had my share of weird guys wanting to get on with this piece of meat. It's world mocking me for being stalkerish myself. You get what you serve!

Not that there has been too many, but there's a few interesting cases that had made me wonder, do some people really think that is a way to impress someone? If the situation is a bit different, if the other one seems also interested, then that kind of behaviour might be okay and you may not come off as a crazy stalker.

When I was a young awkward teenager I met this boy through my friends. Now if you think I have relationship problems today, oh boy I was a mess back then, even in the scale of being awfully young. 17 years old (might also be 16 but I can't remember too well anymore)! It's too young for a relationship for me! In one way I was on a prey for wanting to experience the world, so I did gave this boy a chance to impress me.

At first he seemed fairly normal. When he decided to try to impress me, it went from bad to worse.

He started pulling his sleeves way up and making sure that I was able to see his arms. Why? Of course, he was a cutter and wanted me to see how life was hard on him.

Well, good for him, didn't really earn him any cool-guy-points although I did feel a bit sad for him. Still, the fact that you're pushing your scars on my face makes you kinda pathetic.

Later when the evening went on, he wanted me to accompany him while he smoked. And to tell me stories. Stories about his first love. While crying.

Telling me that you're still not over your ex doesn't make me think that you have a lot of feelings to share and make me jump into your bed, it only makes me want to run away from a mess.

Right after this he gave me his black book. No, not a book that has girls phone numbers, a black book of touchy-feely poems. And song lyrics.

Good for you if you write, it's fine and cool. Don't make me read them in front of you on the first day we meet. And force me to comment on them. There's so much I can nod and smile with the "Mmmm!" -noise.

You'd think at this point he would have dug his grave for deep enough and I'd have my share of that mess.

Sadly, no. I was young and I gave him more and more chances while trying to think did I have anything for him (oh the curse of being naive).

We had awkward parties (or a party, can't remember) where he wanted to talk to me but I ran away most of the night. Because, you know, I LOVE when someone carries (literally) me away from my friends to a room just to talk feelings with a guy I'm not sure if I like. Well, no, I just fought my way free and left.

And after this the worst happened. He left his girlfriend for me.

There's not much I can say about this.

Right now, this memory makes me speechless.

Soon after that I made him clear that I wasn't interested.

Should have done that way sooner, cheez.

I do have a lonely memory when he tried to explain that she wasn't his girlfriend as much as a girl he just hanged with? I don't know. Sounded like a relationship enough for me.

Another cool guy was a bit earlier, maybe a year or two. I saw him once. Literally, once. And I didn't talk to him. He was a friend of a friend and really didn't thought about him much, other than remembering he making out with a friend of mine some time ago.

And that was enough for him to start sending countless of text-messages through at least a year.

Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good. He tried to ask me out many times and I respectfully declined. First I was super nice about it. Then not so nice. Then completely rude. And he just kept going and going.

And I just had to answer.

Finally I couldn't take it and I just snapped at him that I'm not interested and to leave me alone. He's response? Go Shakespare about it. He acted like I would have actually broken his heart or something.

After that I just didn't answer anymore. He still sent me a lot of "I'm sorry, let's start from the start" -messages which I ignored. Really, why? What's wrong with you guys?

Finally he ran into a beautiful friend of mine and started to harass her. I was thrilled and finally free!

This story has it's final peak years after this on a New Year's eve. I was leaving a party early and called a friend to pick me up. I knew he was driving because earlier he said that he had promised to be a designated driver to a friend of his.

And oh boy I couldn't stop laughing when I realized that this friend was the awkward text message -guy. We made some awkward small talk in the car while I was laughing my ass off and my friend dropped me off. And I'm not that awful, I didn't laugh at him, I laughed to the situation.

Later my friend told me that the guy had told him that years back I had slept with him. And then my friend couldn't stop laughing. At him.

Unlucky for the awkward guy that he didn't realize that me and my friend are really good friends and he knows almost everything about me so there wasn't really anything backing up his story.

What a douche.

 

Epilogue

And there you have it. I actually am having an exciting week (if we don't count the midterms) that I'm calling Fear Week. I'm not spoiling the contents of it right now, but tell you about it later WITH PICTURES. Yeah!

Next week is also Reading Week, in other words VACATION or Vancouver Week!

Aww yeah!

Too bad I also have to study there.

And now when I proofread my story I have this tingling feeling that I'm a bad person. Somebody, tell me I'm awesome and it was the guys who were the awkward ones, not me! :]

Bah, whatever, let's throw this here.

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And suddenly I'm awesome again.

Leave a comment. Keywords: canada, stress, boyfriend, stalker, dating

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die this semester

Friday 1/11/13 - Ellie Von Bun

I have to shamefully admit that I have a quality that causes problems in my character and mental health. This despicable feature is, naturally, considering myself smarter than most of the people.

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Nobody likes the assholes who thinks too much of themselves. So that is one reason for hiding that thought.

Nothing brings you down more than succeeding worse than you were expecting of yourself. Also when you realize how badly you are thinking of everyone else, you start to comprehend your own stupidness and oh the shame.

Again I'm having my famous empiric experiences about my smartness. As I've started a fresh start in a school with interesting classes, I automatically am checking how I'm doing with minimal effort and how others are failing around me.

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And of course, soon I'll be late with assignments and when the finals edge near I will freak out.

The classes in Canada are quite different from what I'm used to back in Finland in my horrible school. Of course, I have different subjects and here it is much more University-like with lectures where you (oh my gosh) don't interact with the teacher.

At least the teachers seem really, really good. All of them are psyched about their subjects. You can see the autistic glee in their eyes when they are explaining the depths of what they know while trying to control their saliva from sliding off their mouths.

And this is what I absolutely love about teachers.

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I did already consider dropping a class. And why would I give up so quickly?

The course I'm talking about is almost like Programming II back home called Intermediate Data Structure and Algorithms, so that's not that bad, right?

Wrong.

The set-up is annoyingly different from the programming I'm used to. Yeah, they use Java and Eclipse and all that shit I'm familiar with, but what the hell!

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This shit doesn't say anything to me.

Do I really need to analyze and make calculations of how many statements my piece of code does? Yeah, it is important to make efficient and fast programs but honestly, this is not the way to go. Really.

Because everyone else has learned these analysing types in earlier classes, I'm a bit screwed. Luckily there is Tutorial classes that helps noobs like me to catch up. Unlucky for me, last time I had troubles focusing to the teaching.

If I looked at the board my eyes started to droop.

If I looked at the teacher I started to drool and think of unspeakable things.

If I looked at the table I had this growing desire to crawl on top of it and fall asleep.

So what to do?

My three other courses seems more easier, at least in the sense of staying awake. I have to make my own app for mobile platform and I don't know yet what to do. Maybe I just copy the idea of my t-shirt and call the app The Legend of Linkstache. There would be Link and you can insert different types of 'staches on his face. That would be cool.

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If all else fails, I just drop that course or let it fail. I'm okay with this.

Leave a comment. Keywords: school, canada, stress