Monday 11/5/12 - Ellie Von Bun
The first problem I encounter in blogging is my inability to start anything that doesn't include mindless drooling and jamming by the computer or TV. Even if the activity would be awesome and fun to do, for example reading, playing with my lonely cello or preparing delicious meal.
In my mind there is a huge wall that I need to climb over in the project of starting things. The more unpleasant things to do, the higher the wall. As a sloppy garbage hoarder, I tend to let my room achieve a state that no bum would want to live in. When I was a teenager and it was time to clean the mess up, I had these terrible tantrums that ended me screaming to a dirty carpet that it isn't clean enough.
I don't think my family actually ever heard me but it wasn't pretty. I got so frustrated when I knew I can't make it as clean as I would want. So why bother?
And still, I do the same. I have to force and kick myself into doing stuff, but the first climbing part is so infuriating and exhausting that it's actually hard to comprehend.
There's many reasons besides just being a lazy maggot why it feels physically painful to start things, and one thing is being a perfectionist in wrong places and times.
If I can't write unbelievably awesome post so funny that everyone would not only pee their pants, also sink into psychosis of my cleverness, why should I?
Most likely after this post I will go into shivering state where my lungs will try to escape my body to better lands, and not entirely because of the second-day-hungover I'm having. My insecure self is too much for my wobbly mind and body to handle.
Sometimes you just have to make your life a bit harder for no reason at all!
It's no easy task trying to keep your cool when your mind is going berserk of things in verge of explosion while your body can't even keep eyes focused.
This post is provided by a house warming party that has most likely permanently left my mind into a blurry mess!