How to catch an elephant

How to become famous

Monday 11/19/12 - Ellie Von Bun

I have spent last few weeks working with SEO and trying to advertise my blog to a different places so I could get readers and become super famous. Because blogs are still extremely popular and everyone wants that easy way to become interesting and famous, there are millions of blogs with thousands of categories for me to compete with.

Now I've got to the point where you can find me from a search engine, but only if you know you're looking Raisin Bun exactly. But who the hell knows to search for that while looking for an awesome blog?

And here is my biggest problem. People find a topic they like, then search for specifically that. If it's from a blog list or a search engine.

I still don't know what my subject is besides personal, and nobody searches for personal blogs.

That is why I decided to try put something from a few topics I've found while looking other blogs to see what is so good about them! Let's see if I can find my favorite.

1. Fashion blog

Here is my outfit today. As you can see, I pull jeans off. So that's what I'm wearing. Also it was a cold morning and I was too tired to put anything prettier. This t-shirt is one of my loves, Game of Blades. Yeah, awesome!

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My hair is super nicely today as I overslept and had to go to shower and put a hat on top of a wet hair when leaving for work.

Also check out my nails! I put on some black color on them over a week ago and am too lazy to take it off.

Conclusion:

Maybe I only should take pictures of these awesome t-shirts and leave all the fashion crap to someone who actually gives a shit.

2. Weight blog

Here's my situation now. I probably have gained 1,6kg from the last time being on a scale but who knows.

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I tried to do that horrible pose with no head that shows only tummy and boobs but I couldn't stand still. This is so much better!

Is this my ideal weight? No. Will I lose some weight and achieve my goal? Most likely no. Will I even try? As long as I'm not nearing a whale-like size, everything's cool.

Conclusion:

Nobody wants to hear me whining about my tummy and not doing anything about it. So no.

3. Pregnancy blog

Sometimes when I eat badly, my food baby actually starts to kick!

It's the miracle of life!

Conclusion:

Even though I may look like being 4 to 5 months pregnant, I'm not.

4. Wedding blog

This is my boyfriend and we're getting married. His name is Mellon and we're in love!

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Actually he hasn't proposed to me yet, but I know he's going to and there's no harm in small planning!

Like booking a church.

Or buying a dress.

Hiring a caterer.

Sending invitations.

You know, those small things.

Conclusion:

My personal favorites are those blogs that end in "This blogs ends now as the wedding is canceled". What, you were planning on getting married in three years and you were already going berserk and crazy and the man couldn't take it? Shocking.

5. Tech blog

So I stalk all the time who and how people visit my site. I also see with what queries my blog comes up.

My absolute favorite for now is "How to use a vibrator". You actually need directions with that?

But because I'm such a good person, I think I'll just provide this manual as it seems there's more than one person who has sought the answer for this problem

Step 1.

Find the on/off button(s).

Step 2.

Press the on button.

Step 3.

Insert the vibrator (that should be buzzing) to a preferred location. Put it in your belly button if you want, the hell I care.

Congratulations! You now know how to use a vibrator!

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Conclusion:

This actually is a fun topic (tech stuff, not the vibrator stuff. Although now when I think about it, that's fun topic also)  and there is a possibility that you may hear more of this.

Maybe my problem here is jumping from one subject to another with the speed of light. Attention span of a squirrel? Never.

6. Sport blog

Today I played so hard that I almost got exhausted.

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Conclusion:

No.

7. Whore blog

What the hell is wrong with you?

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Conclusion:

Don't even think about it.

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8. Food blog

Yesterday I had my hangover burger with fries. Today as my second day hangover, I think I'll go with pizza.

On top of it some tuna, ham and blue cheese. Oh yeah, and maybe bacon. Yeah, bacon!

Mmm, bacoooon...

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There might be some other hangovery food-types on the back.

Conclusion:

Wait, I actually have something important and even a little interesting to say being teeny tiny bit disabled. I do have celiac disease (hell, I don't even know how to spell it, let alone pronounce it) which fucks up my eating systems as I can't eat wheat, barley, rye and sometimes oats.

Also my stomach likes being motherfucking pain in the ass (pun intended) so I should watch my eating more carefully.

As long as I won't end up only whining about a little pain in my tummy, I will come back to this. Especially when I'm traveling.

9. Travel blog

Here I'm rocking Miami beach. All I could think was Vice Citying up and find me a baseball bat and steal a helicopter. Me and my brother decided that we most likely are messed up as that was the only thing we could think of. Besides driving some whores over with a car. Healthy.

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Our parents liked this plan very much. But come on, it's the same god damn beach!

It was a family trip and we did visit Key West, Everglades aaand gorgeous shopping mall. I bought Nintendo DS. Fuck yeah.

Conclusion:

I love to travel and I am going to Canada next year, so I definitely will talk about traveling. Problem is, it's easy to go to the dark side where it sounds like you're on a walking trip through a desert.

Luckily I do have a few stories that are worth mentioning.

On the other hand, when I'm in Canada I have to tell a bit boring stuff, as I'm there 4 months and people back home want to know what's up. So be prepared for some "Today I went for a walk. I saw some pretty nice buildings. Then I ate carrots."

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This picture has a carrot. And very horrible blur.

10. Diary

Dear diary

Last weekend one of my best friends visited me and we spent a quiet evening chilling until our asses were raw and drinking wine like little apes. That was Friday.

And I'm still feeling the effects of our Saturday.

He left yesterday, but I'm hoping we get together again ASAP!

XOXO

Conclusion:

This is the most common blogging style there is. This is also the most forgettable and boring subjects. Unless you personally know the writer or the writer has exceptionally interesting lifestyle, you just don't care.

Of course there are different ways to talk about your personal stuff and it's almost every time the second subject alongside the prime subject. But if you forget the difference between a diary and a blog, stop blogging.

This is also my mistake and my problem. So I'm a bit hypocrite. Shoot me.

For now it is the prime subject of my blog, but I'm still trying to find a way to make it enjoyable for other people too.

And the most annoying thing about these kinds of blogs is the grammar. I may have a lot of spelling errors, other mistakes and I swear sometimes, but at least I'm trying.

Thus ends my jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber, also known as blogging about blogging. I wish I could end it with a gif of my photos I took for this post as they do have some awesome poses, but I think I go with something else.

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Because I can.

Leave a comment. Keywords: famous, blog

The first day of the end of my life

Tuesday 10/30/12 - Ellie Von Bun

Firsts are always supposed to be exciting and happy events. The first day at school, the first kiss, the first love, the first time you live by yourself. This is one of my firsts and, as always, I have mixed feelings and a lot to worry. Will I fail or will I make everything just right? It's a shame I can't predict the future, but time will tell us how things will turn out to be.

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Sometimes no matter how carefully you plan everything, things won't go the way you wanted. I had my first real kiss (not counting those truth or dare -games from earlier childhood) when I was about 15. It was a beautiful late summer night with a full moon. Me and my almost-boyfriend were at my parents summer cottage and he was leaving and I was going to stay for the night. So there we stood in the moonlight in the middle of the night, grass soft and wet under our feet, trees and small clouds making shadows in the yard.

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My heart was beating so fast and I was panicking. Here we were, on the moment of a very big first! The scene was so overly-top romantic (just way too cliché) that it made me nervous and sick. At least I would have stories to tell to friends and children!

And then we kissed.

And I hated it.

My extremely high expectations were crushed by a pair of (literally) mouthcrushing teeth and saliva, which made me gag.

I desperately thought that the fault was my own, it would get better and I would get used to it (I later learned that even though I may have not been the worlds greatest kisser, the fault that time actually was the boy's). But the memory of my first kiss was forever fixed with a boy that I think actually instead of kissing me tried to eat pieces of my face. It hurt so bad that for a long time I preferred hugging instead of kissing.

For some reason, we didn't end up together and I felt a bit sorry for the girls he dated.

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This website is a different kind of first. It can't be spoiled by unskilled actions by others, except myself. And I'm loving it!

Welcome to Raisin bun's (that'll be me) project, and to it's blog "How to catch an elephant"! Why that name, well, elephants are awesome and I'm obsessed with them.

My plan is to blog about things in my life, and develop this website to interesting and portfolio-y state. This is also my stepping stone to a better life. I have recently diagnosed with depression and have decided to become awesome instead. This will most likely show in many ways. Why I'm telling this? I just want the cat out of the bag so later on I can be more open and perhaps I don't see a reason to censor myself more than is need to be. Depression is a topic that for some reason stays shameful and unspeakable so I want to stop hiding it and be myself, and most importantly to get better.

Hi, my name is Jutta and I have a therapist. He's awesome!

What to do next? I have few ideas that I'll start to do with this website to make it prettier and better, but I will take my time so don't expect anything soon. :) I have MILLIONS of topics to talk about so I'll be coming back with them, one by one.

Until next time!

P.S. Here is the love of my life

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Leave a comment. Keywords: firsts, first, kiss, boyfriend, blog