Tuesday 11/6/12 - Ellie Von Bun
Most reactions I get when I tell I'm medicated with antidepressants aren't too positive.
"Those just mess up your head!"
"They kill your feelings, of course you're not depressed because you're EMPTY INSIDE!"
"You don't need them."
"..Oh well, if they help you.."
And so on.
I'm not the biggest support of strong medications either (wait till I get to the time when I was on the pill, yeah, The Pill), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Antidepressants have different brands that use different agents and of course they work differently on every people. Some has horrible side effects on some people, some work like a charm or not at all. But the main purpose is to get the scumbag brain to buck up and act like it should.
I've tried only two brands and am content right now. And for starters, I gotta say that they DEFINITELY don't take your feelings away. It's more like brain is finally waking up and suddenly all the feelings are coming at you at the same time. Remember that beautiful moment five years ago and you felt nothing? TIME TO FEEL IT, DOUCHE!
The first brand wasn't for me. Some said that it made me chirpier, but I'm not so sure myself. I got horrible side effects that I tried to ignore as best as I could, but it came impossible when my relationship ended and those side effects got to roam with their horrible power. After couple weeks of panic and anxiety attacks and few days spent at home on a sick leave, unable to leave the house I admitted that my reaction to break up had reached ridiculous dimensions.
Everything got much easier after the change of the brand and I could feel the relief from head to toes. My brain and my personality thanked me greatly and I bet my friends now like me more.
Of course these too have their side effects. I'm not sure is it the medication or my reaction to ALL THESE FEELINGS, but I have absolutely no self censor and filter in my mouth. I can tell my life story to a stranger or way too intimate stuff to a random friend. And I'm not sure if this even bothers me. I just couldn't care less, I'm just happy I'm happy. And my friends SHOULD be content that I actually am acting a tad more I always should, unless they are overwhelmed by the stuff my mouth products.
This could also be because my super awesome therapist is a match made in heaven. I think it's all the things combined.
So don't be judging me for feeling better. Of course I will stop eating antidepressants when the time is right and after that my brain won't be such a sissy pants anymore. At least I'm hoping so.
I'm not also superhappy all the time, nor manic-depressive. Just comparing to what I used to be and feel, this is like a vacation in Hawaii with elephants and balloons.