Sunday 12/15/13 - Ellie Von Bun
Holy smokes did I have some little tweeks to do before I could start actually writing. So many updates from which at least one destroyed something and I had to dig deep into files again to find the bug.Shamefully I also had forgotten my admin password so had to deal with that too.
I also added new random pics for my randomized me-section and fixed the broken twitter feed! Well no, I didn't actually managed to fix that but I fixed the looks of it. Now I can ignore it better.
You know what I hate? Blogs that die. I truly hate them.
I know it's July since I last wrote a word and I totally let my twitter go but sue me. Yeah you can't. So suck it up.
Anyhow I have been rather busy. Yes I do have free time but try to be as tired as I am and you'd let blogging be the first one to go too!
So I'm a dog owner. Being a single dog owner is a tad time consuming. Just saying.
Around the end of September I went for a road trip to get my adopted not-so-puppy doggie home. I had prepared everything for her and was stressing myself over the thought that she will have a hard time to get used to everything. Little did I know that actually she was the brave and capable one and I was the one having adaption issues.
For the week before receiving her I started to panic. Having a dog means a lot of responsibilities and I was having doubts about myself greatly. I took my brave face on and went on with it anyway.
The first one to two weeks are bit a haze to me as I spent them pretty much having massive long-term panic attack. But I knew I'd get used to it before long (not the panic, the dog) and yes, as the days rolled by it started to get easier. The dog lost her anxiety in a week and with her actions and behavior being so top-notch, it made easier for me to adapt later on.
I thought she would be stereotypical adoption dog from Russia with a lot of trust issues and all that, but no. In the first car ride, even though being super scared she was braver than many of the other dogs I saw and climbed on my lap for safety on the way back. She sat there the whole way, poor skinny little thing.
In a few days she started to climb in to the bed with me to sleep and I don't always have the heart to tell her no. And she sleeps on her back, her paws facing the roof like a real puppy.
Even though we get along greatly now and she's a real proper dog, the thing I'm still adapting on is how to survive with work, school and taking care of her. I love her to the bits already but it really takes a lot to do all these things alone.
I feel bad when I'm at work for she's all by herself and when I have to leave work I feel bad for not being able to do more.
And I do feel bad too for not being able to do all the stuff I'd like. There's no other options for me than to be with her after being at work or school all day. I'm not saying I have a lot of things, it's just all the little things too. Anything from after school activities to after-work.
But it's cool, we're getting there. I just don't want to feel bad over it all the time.
There's really haven't been any improvements in my health which makes it a bit harder. I take my girl out every day at least three times a day and it keeps getting harder and harder. Those who say that it gets better as after you just start going out you'll start to feel better soon, they lie. It's not getting easier, it's actually more like pushing my last pieces of energy into it and it's getting harder and harder. If I sleep and gather my energy for a weekend or so it's easier for a while, but I really don't have much options for those resting days as I still have to take her out as always. I just don't do any other stuff in that day.
It's also the first time I've realized that I have an actual problem with all this darkness. Can't wait for Spring and light to come. I need more energy. I have to eat so many dietary supplements that they take all my money.
So this blows. My poor skin isn't getting any better because it's so dry and dark and I'm bruising just by wearing shoes. And the rash tickles and hurts quite bad.
As it might be clear by now all this affects my ability to express myself. Some days I sound pretty much like Tarzan using a few words trying to express myself. Me hungry. You stupid.
But right now there's not much to do about it than wait and survive.
Me and my doggie are just fine though, she's gotten all fat and likes to sleep a lot and sometimes meets quite a lot of dog friends.
Only if my life starts to be too hectic that it affects her well-being will I start to think of finding her a new home. It's always nice that there's that option but I won't take it unless it's really the better choice for her.
Yes it would be easier if there were another person helping but sometimes you can't choose.
So my life is pretty much my work, my dog and a little bit my school too. I'm starting on my thesis as soon as I can and am missing only one course which I'll start on January. If happens that I get a long term contract for my job, I'll probably buy an apartment. I've started apparently to worry about my future and that seems a nice way to work with that. I'd have a home of my own and by paying the mortgage I'd be saving money on the apartment. It's a fairly good choice if you think about it! But we'll see what happens.
Oh, my dogs name is Sofi by the way. I had problems figuring out what her name was and that one just kind of stayed. She's a lovely yet slightly derpy doggie.