I'm sometimes fairly sure I have some sort of AD(H)D. My concentration is as poor as it gets and I constantly jump from one thing to another. If someone is talking to me and I find the subject not interesting enough, I simply shut my ears. Of course a lot of people do this in some form, but it's ridiculous with me and I hate not giving attention to my friends.
But holy smokes what happens when I find something interesting to obsess about.
In some way I love the thumping my heart does and how my brain goes to override, but it can be painful and bad for me also. I take being interested in something to fairly unhealthy level.
First of all, I couldn't care less about anything else. Schoolwork? Never. Friends? Only forced. Boyfriend? I just realized why I'm single.
Not kidding, I actually arrange time from my friends and everything so I can spend some time with my obsession.
When I first started to watch Doctor Who, I actually left from a bar early so I could go home and watch the show.
While I read Harry Potter, I add in a character which I created so I could have someone to relate more and live in the magical world.
Ever since I started reading Jane Austen books I have been hoping to fall into a coma for a year or two so I could magically dive to early 1800's and live in England.
And it's not only books, movies or things, but actually people too. Yeah, give crazy stalker bitch a minute and she will obsess her brains out of you.
The problem is, it's hard for other people sometimes to cope with me. I have to fight all my time against my obsessing, but on the other hand, if I don't have any, I get bored and in the end depressed. None of the opposite sides are quite right.
Also I don't want to suppress myself so fuck off. If I want to sound like a squirrel, the hell you or I can do anything about it.
I was madly in love when I was 15. I had an unhealthy relationship with a band called Mew. My poor friends had to listen to the wrecked band if they wanted to spend time with me. This lasted for about two years.
For two looong years, it was the only freaking band I listened. Only. All the time. I gave into my brains to go berserk about that and I can surely say, it was fairly weird times.
The peak of that time came when Mew came to Finland. I was 16 and decided to visit Helsinki to see them and couple of my friends decided to come with me.
My friend said that we should order the tickets online rather than standing outside in -20C degrees for a few hours. I agreed on that and one morning we went to her moms work to use her computer and wait for clock to strike and buy the tickets.
And to my luck, when the clock was 9.00, we noticed that we needed to register to the website.
And after those few minutes all the tickets were sold.
I seriously thought I would hit or strangle my friend for her stupid idea that now ruined my life, but I forgave her when came news of a another gig due to overwhelming popularity.
I decided to wait the hours in the cold for the tickets.
And up we went with the tickets to Helsinki when the time was ripe.
We had heard rumors about the band giving autographs, but as there wasn't any news anywhere about it, I forgot about it.
My heart almost exploded when we found out that the rumor was true and we had the chance to get the autographs from a mall we were at!
The whole time waiting in the line I shook like I was having some sort of a seizure. I was worried that I might actually faint and tried to think something witty to say.
My time came up and the only thing I could blur out was shaky, sqeaky "hi" that was barely audible.
And right after I got out of the line I burst into a manic laughter while crying my eyes out.
My friends rushed me quickly outside to somewhere I could sit while I screamed like some snapped mental patient.
All that excitement burst like a bubble and I was a wreck. I laughed and cried at the same time while my friends desperately tried to calm me down.
After some embarrasing moments it was time to rush to the concert place so we could actually get nice seats. And it was all good until the time the final door to the concert hall opened.
I was almost in front of that line and pushed other freaks out of my way, ignored a security guy trying to back us off, ducked his hand and ran like a deer.
Too bad my deer impression reminded too much of Bambi's mom and my feet gave out and I fell.
Nope, I did not trip, my legs just went under me.
But the run was not over if I wanted to the front row.
So I gathered my shit and jumped up while some security guy screamed something after me which I ignored again. I have distinct memory it being something near "Carefully!" and "Do not run!".
The second I got my speed covered, I fell again.
I almost crawled the rest, but besides all my failing I got to the front row. The security guy apparently managed to hold people behind me enough time for me to get a heads up.
I turned around and realized I had left my friends behind and lost them.
But there was no way I was going to give my awesome spot up so the hell with them.
I spent the whole concert by myself, sometimes "accidentally" hitting person next to me who tried to swoop in front of me. I think I also jumped on top of another girls feet for the same reason.
Cause no one's gonna fuck with me, that's why. Ain't no one.
So I got my creepy fangirl-96 moments and found my friends afterwards. And for the rest of the year it was probably the only thing I ever spoke about.
Too bad for Jonas Bjerre, I have decided not to forcemarry him anymore. Or was it lucky for him...