Tuesday 10/30/12 - Ellie Von Bun
Firsts are always supposed to be exciting and happy events. The first day at school, the first kiss, the first love, the first time you live by yourself. This is one of my firsts and, as always, I have mixed feelings and a lot to worry. Will I fail or will I make everything just right? It's a shame I can't predict the future, but time will tell us how things will turn out to be.
Sometimes no matter how carefully you plan everything, things won't go the way you wanted. I had my first real kiss (not counting those truth or dare -games from earlier childhood) when I was about 15. It was a beautiful late summer night with a full moon. Me and my almost-boyfriend were at my parents summer cottage and he was leaving and I was going to stay for the night. So there we stood in the moonlight in the middle of the night, grass soft and wet under our feet, trees and small clouds making shadows in the yard.
My heart was beating so fast and I was panicking. Here we were, on the moment of a very big first! The scene was so overly-top romantic (just way too cliché) that it made me nervous and sick. At least I would have stories to tell to friends and children!
And then we kissed.
And I hated it.
My extremely high expectations were crushed by a pair of (literally) mouthcrushing teeth and saliva, which made me gag.
I desperately thought that the fault was my own, it would get better and I would get used to it (I later learned that even though I may have not been the worlds greatest kisser, the fault that time actually was the boy's). But the memory of my first kiss was forever fixed with a boy that I think actually instead of kissing me tried to eat pieces of my face. It hurt so bad that for a long time I preferred hugging instead of kissing.
For some reason, we didn't end up together and I felt a bit sorry for the girls he dated.
This website is a different kind of first. It can't be spoiled by unskilled actions by others, except myself. And I'm loving it!
Welcome to Raisin bun's (that'll be me) project, and to it's blog "How to catch an elephant"! Why that name, well, elephants are awesome and I'm obsessed with them.
My plan is to blog about things in my life, and develop this website to interesting and portfolio-y state. This is also my stepping stone to a better life. I have recently diagnosed with depression and have decided to become awesome instead. This will most likely show in many ways. Why I'm telling this? I just want the cat out of the bag so later on I can be more open and perhaps I don't see a reason to censor myself more than is need to be. Depression is a topic that for some reason stays shameful and unspeakable so I want to stop hiding it and be myself, and most importantly to get better.
Hi, my name is Jutta and I have a therapist. He's awesome!
What to do next? I have few ideas that I'll start to do with this website to make it prettier and better, but I will take my time so don't expect anything soon. :) I have MILLIONS of topics to talk about so I'll be coming back with them, one by one.
Until next time!
P.S. Here is the love of my life