How to catch an elephant

I'm broke, broken and full of Zen

Tuesday 3/26/13 - Ellie Von Bun

Hey you guys with Spotify!



I got bored and put my Spotify playlists into a better order. This is my pride now that I'm trying to keep nice and clean. (Hope the link works) If you like it, follow it! No pressure.

So last week I got mail from doctor saying I should come back and take more blood samples before that.

Sounds assuring, right?

My sickness was indeed very fun. First I thought it was plain hangover. After a day I decided that it was a food poisoning. After that I thought it might be some sort of body flu or whatever they call it. Later I was jumping on between salmonella and cancer. And around that time I fought my way to the doctor.

After antibiotics I got better and so happened that I was more sick than original flu would have been. Apparently I got some kind of  "vital liver infection" which my body thank heavens already got through. Me and my doctor both are quite sure that it was unfortunate reaction after heavily consuming alcohol or something, but I still have to take all kinds of tests. Mainly because the doctor is worried that I got hepatitis or something from the tattoo place. But this is very unlikely. So don't worry.

But now I'm quite done with Saskatoon. When you lie in your bed a week, unable to go farther than the toilet, your mind is your only company. One friend was kind enough to bring me something to drink and helped on my way to the doctor and waited for me there. Other than that, I was all alone, miserable and sad.

And I knew that back in Finland I would have had somebody to take care of me, at least for a while. Actually, I have been already looked after there by more than one person, for example after my break-up when I couldn't leave the house and was unable to eat. It's no fun being sick enough to cry all the time all alone.

All these people do and care is having fun. In one way, it's always fun to have fun, but I'm starting to be sick and tired of the way of having fun here.

Of course, that means you always have to be drunk. And last Friday as I was hanging at a party sober I realized that those parties are that horrible that you have to be drunk to survive them.

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I'm tired of seeing drunk people hitting on each other and accidentally and on purpose showing intimate places. It's like being a teenager all over again. Or hamsters in a small box.

My liver already failed me and I was one of the boring ones! What the hell guys!?

I'm now killing time by doing schoolwork and getting ready for heading back home (one month left!). But I don't want to be a total douche so I'm trying to enjoy my time as much as I can, even though the end of April couldn't come sooner. Especially as I decided to move to my own place, out of roommate living! Yay!

So, good luck for me as I'm broke and sober probably for the rest of my trip. Gym and outside world, here I come! Fuck you all drunk idiots with your second (or still the first) teenage! This girl is done and now paid her dues.

Thank god here are a few nice and actually fun people who makes the time here worth it. Otherwise I would run, fast and far.

Edit note: Even though I'm 100% sure the doctor said "vital", she did have a super thick accent and I'm now sure she meant viral. That makes more sense.

Leave a comment. Keywords: spotify, canada

No, I don't have hypochondria but cancer, sure.

Monday 3/18/13 - Ellie Von Bun

There I was, minding my own business, watching Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2 and taking everything in from a mild hangover and making decisions about life and hardly realized that I was getting sicker and sicker.

Finally, I went to sleep early to kick the nauseating feeling. Sadly, it was not the hangover anymore.

So I've spent the last week weeping at night, fearing for my life to end, vomiting blood (quite innocently, except my mind is sure I'm dying because of this), hoping for life to end and in the end, fearing that it might not end after all.

Now as the Sunday night goes down, I feel mildly okay. Mildly as in my stomach still aches, but I'm still able to eat even though not with normal pace and enthuast.

Anyway, before this, time has gone by juggling with doing fun stuff and stressing about massive amount of schoolwork. Have I yet done any? Well, I started! And I made nice schedule in my head how to work this on. Except I fell ill and now I'm way late in that too.

Thank goodness these teachers are so damn nice and help me so I'm not lost cause yet!

This also means my head is all full of boring school stuff and hate for alcohol and human beings. Even though I've had week for strickly to my thoughts, hardly anything is publishable by any means. Maybe I will someday tell how I decided to be a good person from here on, but that might just be that. Who knows.

Just for not making this post about procrastination and vomiting 'n stuff, I present you with my deep hatred given to my path by Canadian engineers. Those guys really have thumbs in their asses or something.

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Nothing wrong with this picture, is there?

FALSE.

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This building is supposed to be brand new and does that look fresh and practical to you? Well, no, it's already getting off the wall and not the way that I wanted.

And what's wrong with no hand showers? I've never seen one. Only these types high on top of your head, that's it. Who comes clean just standing there? My poor feet are soon growing mold because I can't find a good way to wash them under these god forbidden showerheads.

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This. I hate this. I hate this so much. I have to put the water running with it's full force and wait for spot to run in. This with the fact that you can't take the showerhead to your hand is the combination of pure evil.

And if I want warm water slowly running on top of me? Not gonna happen, this shower won't have no pussies here, if you want your lame water, you'll take it ice cold, bitch.

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Here's me in the shower. Well an illustration of some sort at least. The dudette is at least at the correct height to picture my joy in the shower. There's that convenient little bench that forces me to stand in that spot, facing that goddamn water that is shooting on my face with full force.

I have tried standing on the bench, sitting on it, staying under the force but there really isn't any normal way to use this shower.

This shower is a work of pure idiotism and it blows my mind how someone must been jumping out of their trousers saying "Guys, guys, I know how we gonna make a shower that works!" and have the others to go with it. It must've been April Fools' day.

No, it definitely was.

Leave a comment. Keywords: canada

Socially awkward elephant procrastinates

Wednesday 3/6/13 - Ellie Von Bun

Guess what?

I got my first tattoo!

My mom will definitely kill me, but that won't be happening until she finds out. So never again I shall go to spend summer in our cottage or visit sauna with my mom.

Here is my Photoshop sketch of the idea:

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Yeah, that's one ugly little bastard.

Luckily, the real one is fairly different, but I'll save it for later to show it. You know, because I'm so fair and cool!

So I had exciting few weeks!

It started with a Drag show in Carnival of Sex, which was a first of those for me. It was indeed entertaining, as the carnival theme causes tingling in my exciteness areas (in a non-sexual way, as that sounds somewhat dirty).

I'm also certain I must start pole dancing as soon as I head back to Finland. I definitely want a body and muscles like those girls in the show. (Different show, these were actual girls!)

On Monday I grabbed the balls of my most annoying fear, the fear of heights. So I went wall climbing with my friend! I went beyond my expectations and got higher as I've never would have dreamt and enjoyed it very much! Yay me and yay my friend! Definitely going back again and I will surprise my roommate back in Finland by showing my squirrellike qualities.

On Friday it was time for my second fear, the fear of needles. Tattoo time! I was extremely annoying client as I wanted multiple changes to the sketch and didn't seem certain or satisfied at all. I am satisfied, but who can be content while freaking out so near to your fears with annoying buzzing sound all around you.

The picture was fast to do, thanks to my awesome tattoo artist who also designed the unique picture! I survived and just almost fainted after the work from all the excitment and adrenaline. Just almost. Not quite.

And now I can start planning the next one, for which I actually have two different ideas. Maybe I'll get them both in time. Sorry mom.

We had Reading week (also known as Spring break) after that and I travelled to Vancouver with three of my school mates. 27 hour bus ride (with 3 hour delay) was surprisingly easy with games, talking, books and a neck pillow. I guess I'm getting old as my legs have decided to go against me by not standing long trips sitting.

I also could have hit the old man next to me who had all his stuff in his feet, and slightly on my side, with one bag constantly falling on top of my fresh tattoo. I was pissed.

We did all kinds of things in such a pace that I'm still fairly exhausted!

We went to science world.

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We ate sushi on a beach on a sunset.

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We went to a burlesque show. (Sorry, no naked ladies for you!)

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We had lunch at Stanley Park - in a car.

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We walked through Stanley Park - in the rain.

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We went swimming in the Pacific Ocean, which included a small project on behalf of my tattoo.

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And some different kinds of wonderful things!

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I don't fancy telling all the things because in the end it's rather boring to hear (at least in my opinion), so let's just sum it up with this.

Socially awkward tips for surviving in life:

1. When you meet a stranger, DON'T ask them would they eat human meat, even if the topic gives this opportunity. Talking about eating kangaroo and dogs with comments like "well, you always have to try everything!" with the waitress is small talk. Cannibalism is not.

2. Apparently you should tip your tattoo artist. Almost fainting is not excuse enough to bail of this action, especially when they are super concerned of your well being. This also means I'm definitely not going back to the place I got mine.

And as that list ended up being so sad, I'll include this other one.

All the merits of life added to my awesome list in these couple weeks:

1. Get a tattoo

2. Go wall climbing

3. See live Drag show

4. See live Burlesque show

5. Swim in the Pacific Ocean

6. Throw up in the washroom of a small, sweet local museum

Right now I'm in the middle of last midterms and I believe for the first time in the current school time I have earned my first fails. And I believe I don't actually care as much as I should.

Next stop, weekend on a cabin with hot tub, alcohol and friends. I'll relax the crap out of me!

Until the next time!

Oh wait, did I forgot something? Ah yes, here's the tattoo.

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P.S. Just now my mom found out. I'll see you all in next life. WHO TOLD HER? She has some magic powers I believe..

P.P.S. I actually failed to post this earlier and the mentioned cabin trip is already held. Oh well.

Leave a comment. Keywords: canada, tattoo, vancouver, elephant, life