How to catch an elephant

Oh Caanadaa..

Sunday 12/30/12 - Ellie Von Bun

In these times I tend to find myself wrapped in a blanket with my teddy bear, Mellon, saying "No.".

I'm leaving in a few days to Canada for 4 months. And I'm supposed to pack and clean. You'd say that is a reason enough for not blogging and doing another important stuff, but No.

It's Christmas sales on Steam and GOG and I just have to try these new (and old) games I've got.

And now I spent my time playing Theme Hospital of all of the games.

But it's okay, I still have three whole days to arrange and stress. One day goes to New Years Eve party so that's a relief.

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Ever since I was little I've dreamed about the day when I'm old and wise and ready to go as an exchange student. Well, now that I came to that old and wise age and go to a proper school, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go after all.

It's one of those moments that you wait and when the time is ripe, you chicken out. And right after the time is past you regret it horribly. For me, these moments happens all the time. Almost daily.

I pushed the decision making to the limit that I realized it was the last chance to go. And then I decided not to go.

It was Thursday evening and me and my friend were at the school after lecture hours doing homework and I mentioned that the applications for the Exchange program was due the next morning at 9 a.m. And in about couple minutes I decided that fuck it, there's no reason for me not to go so I really, really should try.

In 7 hours I created the worst CV and application combo I've ever made for anything with passport pictures and minimum qualifications for it to roll and deposit the thing 8 a.m.

And I got in. I prefer going on with a lot of luck. Makes life easier, don't you think?

I decided not to stress it and have been doing horrible job arranging things. But hey, with my luck, everything have been going smooth enough with no big mistakes. Small mistakes for sure, but who's counting.

Now I may have courses waiting for me in the University of Saskatchewan, city of Saskatoon. And a room in the College residence. Whoo!

I'm scared right now, but that's okay. I've made more rash decisions in the past that have turned out better than okay. It is those decisions that have turned out bad that push me down and I've never been the most confident person in the world.

Anyway, I've been busy and I will be busy for a while (have to finish that Theme Hospital!) and I know you'll miss me, but try to keep it together. I'll be back in no time with Canadian news to tell. And maybe I even have time to write posts beforehand in the 20 hour trip with 4 flights and 6809.56 km (4231.26 miles) to go.

Sometimes I'm a bit scared to fly so wish me luck!

Cheerio!

Leave a comment. Keywords: school, canada, traveling

Fangirl-96 meets her idols.

Saturday 12/22/12 - Ellie Von Bun

I'm sometimes fairly sure I have some sort of AD(H)D. My concentration is as poor as it gets and I constantly jump from one thing to another. If someone is talking to me and I find the subject not interesting enough, I simply shut my ears. Of course a lot of people do this in some form, but it's ridiculous with me and I hate not giving attention to my friends.

But holy smokes what happens when I find something interesting to obsess about.

In some way I love the thumping my heart does and how my brain goes to override, but it can be painful and bad for me also. I take being interested in something to fairly unhealthy level.

First of all, I couldn't care less about anything else. Schoolwork? Never. Friends? Only forced. Boyfriend? I just realized why I'm single.

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Not kidding, I actually arrange time from my friends and everything so I can spend some time with my obsession.

When I first started to watch Doctor Who, I actually left from a bar early so I could go home and watch the show.

While I read Harry Potter, I add in a character which I created so I could have someone to relate more and live in the magical world.

Ever since I started reading Jane Austen books I have been hoping to fall into a coma for a year or two so I could magically dive to early 1800's and live in England.

And it's not only books, movies or things, but actually people too. Yeah, give crazy stalker bitch a minute and she will obsess her brains out of you.

The problem is, it's hard for other people sometimes to cope with me. I have to fight all my time against my obsessing, but on the other hand, if I don't have any, I get bored and in the end depressed. None of the opposite sides are quite right.

Also I don't want to suppress myself so fuck off. If I want to sound like a squirrel, the hell you or I can do anything about it.

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I was madly in love when I was 15. I had an unhealthy relationship with a band called Mew. My poor friends had to listen to the wrecked band if they wanted to spend time with me. This lasted for about two years.

For two looong years, it was the only freaking band I listened. Only. All the time. I gave into my brains to go berserk about that and I can surely say, it was fairly weird times.

The peak of that time came when Mew came to Finland. I was 16 and decided to visit Helsinki to see them and couple of my friends decided to come with me.

My friend said that we should order the tickets online rather than standing outside in -20C degrees for a few hours. I agreed on that and one morning we went to her moms work to use her computer and wait for clock to strike and buy the tickets.

And to my luck, when the clock was 9.00, we noticed that we needed to register to the website.

And after those few minutes all the tickets were sold.

Bummer.

I seriously thought I would hit or strangle my friend for her stupid idea that now ruined my life, but I forgave her when came news of a another gig due to overwhelming popularity.

I decided to wait the hours in the cold for the tickets.

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And up we went with the tickets to Helsinki when the time was ripe.

We had heard rumors about the band giving autographs, but as there wasn't any news anywhere about it, I forgot about it.

My heart almost exploded when we found out that the rumor was true and we had the chance to get the autographs from a mall we were at!

The whole time waiting in the line I shook like I was having some sort of a seizure. I was worried that I might actually faint and tried to think something witty to say.

My time came up and the only thing I could blur out was shaky, sqeaky "hi" that was barely audible.

And right after I got out of the line I burst into a manic laughter while crying my eyes out.

My friends rushed me quickly outside to somewhere I could sit while I screamed like some snapped mental patient.

All that excitement burst like a bubble and I was a wreck. I laughed and cried at the same time while my friends desperately tried to calm me down.

After some embarrasing moments it was time to rush to the concert place so we could actually get nice seats. And it was all good until the time the final door to the concert hall opened.

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I was almost in front of that line and pushed other freaks out of my way, ignored a security guy trying to back us off, ducked his hand and ran like a deer.

Too bad my deer impression reminded too much of Bambi's mom and my feet gave out and I fell.

Nope, I did not trip, my legs just went under me.

But the run was not over if I wanted to the front row.

So I gathered my shit and jumped up while some security guy screamed something after me which I ignored again. I have distinct memory it being something near "Carefully!" and "Do not run!".

The second I got my speed covered, I fell again.

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I almost crawled the rest, but besides all my failing I got to the front row. The security guy apparently managed to hold people behind me enough time for me to get a heads up.

I turned  around and realized I had left my friends behind and lost them.

But there was no way I was going to give my awesome spot up so the hell with them.

I spent the whole concert by myself, sometimes "accidentally" hitting person next to me who tried to swoop in front of me. I think I also jumped on top of another girls feet for the same reason.

Cause no one's gonna fuck with me, that's why. Ain't no one.

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So I got my creepy fangirl-96 moments and found my friends afterwards. And for the rest of the year it was probably the only thing I ever spoke about.

Too bad for Jonas Bjerre, I have decided not to forcemarry him anymore. Or was it lucky for him...

Leave a comment. Keywords: music, youth, crazy, stalker

The Filler Bunny strikes again!

Saturday 12/15/12 - Ellie Von Bun

Hi, I'm still here!

Guess what is a really bad idea?

Going to a vacation and decide to leave your laptop at home. No. If this thought comes to your mind, it only means that you definitely  would need it.

So I went to a spa with my family and had a hard time finding things to do. And now I'm in pain as I had many ideas for blog posts, but not a proper way to write them. Pen and paper? I don't think so.

I did finish A Dance With Dragons, and now I need to wait MILLIONS OF YEARS for the next Song of Ice and Fire book. I absolutely LOVE that series! George R. R. Martin is a GOD. Today I will burst with excitement as I'm going to talk about the books and TV-series ALL NIGHT.

But not yet. Calm. Self. Now.

I also watched all our childhood films with my sister and dad. Oh boy we were awkward back then. Luckily now I'm so cool and awesome!

Okay, my point here now is that I've been insanely busy, I have list of things that needs to be done and I'm hardly ever home alone.

It's only a week until Christmas and ohmygodI'mgoingtodie 2 and a half weeks before I leave to Canada for 4 months. So I've been arranging moving stuff, school stuff, work stuff and buying presents. I have something to do every freaking day and unfortunately blogging is not in the top 10 things. I think I'll crab my laptop with me when I leave to Oulu in a few days. After that I'm going straight to Kajaani. After that is 26th and I'm coming back home and I have to pack and stress my brains out.

And on the 2nd of January my plane leaves over the Atlantic. Holy crap!

Good month being blog of the month, eh?

Anyhow, I think I'll put up one blog post as soon as I can and on the last week go Canada berserk and explode my stress over here to you!

I know you want to hear all that, I'm so lucky I have all of you. :)

Here is a present for your patient and love.

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Me on my vacation, whoo!

And now I need to go. Again. AAAGH!

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Leave a comment. Keywords: filler, bunny

The glory of being a woman Part 2

Tuesday 12/4/12 - Ellie Von Bun

I have to continue my previous rumble with a matter that makes me angry and frustrated.

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No woman should ever have to eat birth control pills.

Those little fuckers are made from all the ingredients that PMS's and pregnancies are. Want to end your relationship quick and painfully? Then every girl's favorite pals are perfect for you!

Why on earth we are forced to eat these death pills that can turn a sweet girl into a crazy stalker bitch?

Again, some say that they don't have side effects on them, but I don't believe those people actually exist. At least I'm definitely not one of those people. Those people either lie to justify their reasons for eating them or are dumb enough for not noticing the side effects.

But hey, it's the best birth control on the market, especially because they bring down every women's libido so down that there's no sex to protect in the begin with. 100% effective indeed!

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My personal favorite was the first brand I tried. Side effects kicked in the first days and they were unbelievable. Remember me being a PMS-monster from the last post? Well, the pill made me feel like I was on the worst days of my PMS all the time. All. The. Time.

I screamed to everybody and wanted to fight, I cried for no reason whatsoever and my stomach cramped just to annoy me.

I remember driving a car wondering how safe it must be for the passengers as I felt a need for a fetal position every few minutes. Yeah, constant cramps. Makes life a really happy place!

It also brought up my migraine on those "days of rest" when you don't eat the pill and you have your body go through periods. And as periods aren't painful enough to go through!

Definitely it wasn't one of my glorious moments when I was laying on my bathroom floor at 4 am, throwing up because the migraine was so sever, head feeling close to explosion, stomach in unbelievable pain and back and legs aching. And you can't eat any painkillers because you throw them up immediately.

Every month, 5 days straight of migraine, first and last of them being so bad that I kept throwing up.

And was it worth it?

Well I did pick fights with my sister, I almost started smoking as I found it to be the only thing that helped my wrecked nerves, my then-boyfriend almost lost his mind and my very favorite and the most embarrassing, screamed to my ex for a good evening for no reason. Nice touch, really.

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But hey, at least I wasn't getting pregnant!

I changed brands after three months (3 months of hell for me and everyone around me) and the next one did fit better for me. Except the migraine. And the libido part. And few other effects, like not feeling anything sometimes. But that's nothing.

Luckily after having tried few brands, I'm content not to try them anymore. Migraine can't handle it and it's okay for me.

I'm ready to rip out eyes from every man who tries to suggest to a woman to eat the pill. NO. They are not made for humans. Don't ask your woman to go through them.

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To be completely honest, I truly wish I could eat them. And from time to time I try them. The few positive effects that they are supposed to have fascinate me enough to keep on trying. But until this very day, I'm not satisfied.

Actually, if you look at the timeline of the effects, I'm going to a correct way. At first we started with a completely craziness and horrible pain and shit broke loose. After that we have slowly dropped down few of the side effects one by one.

I made a supercool diagram with paint for this occasion!

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So if I'm super lucky, after few tries, statistically speaking I could go side effect-free, right? Right?

I also cheated and made the diagram show me going actually to a likeable state. And for a reason too! I'm thinking if we combine my current state that is progressing all the time with the possibility that some pills might actually made my PMS easier, then this diagram as optimistic as it is, could be realistic in the end.

I'm 100 % sure that whenever I'm trying to get pregnant I'm found infertile. Then I can sit down and wonder how all the years struggling with the right birth control goes down the toilet. All that trouble and pain for nothing!

Sounds about my luck.

P.S. I'm still trying to find the best way for inserting pictures. Should I just take them of stuff that may or may not relate to the topic or dig some old ones? I don't know.

Right now I'm really really tired so I didn't have the energy to figure awesome pictures as NOTHING goes with this topic. Except maybe a hundreds pictures of screaming women.

Let's have a happy ending and leave this here!

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Leave a comment. Keywords: womanhood, periods, pms